Dongtini — Episode 100

January 29, 2014 in Podcast

100th episode extravaganza! Simone has special surprises and Stephy becomes apoplectic, and we rehash Dongtini glories and highlights. Also: Simone went to a noisy Flowers in the Attic screening,  Stephy is the unwitting recipient of a dick pic, we have a celebrity edition of Dongs in the News, the fundifeminists made a watchdog tumblr about Stephy, Facebook Watchdog, Readings From The Heart and some epic Taco Bell News.

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Dongtini – Episode 100

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Listener Jonathan's sticky toffee puddong for Simone

Here is the controversial vine. And before you click, please internalize that this comes with a serious NSFW warning: VINE.

Read the Reddit thread about the guy with two penises here.

His real name is Anthony Scott Flippen. Makes sense somehow.

Pimentos explained. Breakfast, lunch and dinner!

 And here is Ryan Jones’ epic exchange with a scam artist. ENJOY.

Closing song: The Proclaimers (feat. Dongtini) — “100 Miles”

Dongtini — Episode 86

March 28, 2013 in Podcast

On this episode: Simone reads the recipe for Resurrection Rolls (SPOILER ALERT the tomb is empty) and Stephy thinks Passion Of The Christ is a snuff film. Also: an Amazon review of a David Hasselhoff album, a woman bites off a dong in Florida, The Room’s tell-all book, we hate the word sensual, the eternal dilemma of entitlement, and our favorite thing Neil Hamburger ever said. 

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Dongtini – Episode 86

This is Stephy's favorite photo ever.
Greg Sestero's tell-all about "The Room"
The Passion of the Christ is a snuff film.

You know you want some nice homemade Resurrection Rolls.

Closing song: David Hasselhoff — “Hot Shot City”

Dongtini — Episode 81

February 21, 2013 in Podcast

On this episode: Simone overcomes the adversity of pronouncing American R’s, Stephy got a dentist’s boob all to herself, and the politics of Valentine’s evil are discussed. Also: The maddening “clean beavers get more wood” ad, random depression, classified information about Air Force One, May-December relationships: hot or not?, @Literally_Dying, Shaky Advice with Neil Hamburger, and ice cubes like grandma used to make. YAY MY MEDS

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Dongtini – Episode 81

Simone modding it up while she still can at 6 months along.
A few pieces from the wonderful Pan Am exhibit as part of Palm Springs' annual modernism week.
Finally.
The controversial snow penis.
Stephy + Karen Carpenter dress + birthday party

 The Foo Fighters’ recipe for ice is on page 8.

A clean beaver rundown is here.

Closing song: Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings — “100 Days, 100 Nights”

Dongtini — Episode 75

January 3, 2013 in Podcast

On this episode: Simone reads reviews of the masterpiece “How To Live With A Huge Penis,” Stephy wrestles bitterly with futility, Geoff Tate of Queensryche tells you how to live life to its fullest, Simone faces a life-threatening situation at Django Unchained, Stephy has coffee problems, chinaman is the preferred nomenclature, holiday sorrow, the Breakfast at Tiffany’s movie departure from the novella, Simone’s reading goals, a disgruntled Midnight Madness contestant, the Japanese flu epidemic in Springfield, chichi environment malls, Quentin Tarantino’s salvaged theater, Stephy’s Carol Burnett boner, Simone’s Mary Tyler Moore hard-on, Portishead vs. Ugly Kid Joe vinyl, #stephysportscenter, abscess lancing, a last name of Wankoff, Tiny Furniture, Lena Dunham, and a text from an anonymous dong doctor!

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Dongtini – Episode 75

Four years ago, Simone danced on Stephy's test failing grave by dancing on stage with their favourite band Supergrass on the same painful day.

 

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“This game is stupid. Who cares about it anyway?” was said by Michael J. Fox in ‘Midnight Madness’! It’s all on YouTube! Here’s part 1 of 6! Watch it, ya FAGABEEFE!

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Be sure to watch Geoff Tate from Queensryche and his electronic press kit for a prime cut of douche.

Even if you don't need to know how, you might still want to read the Amazon reviews or the book itself.

Click here for the Amazon reviews!

Closing song: Candi Staton — “Old Man’s Sweetheart”

Dongtini — Episode 71

November 28, 2012 in Podcast

Listener voicemail episode! Simone was confronted with a thong at Thanksgiving dinner, Listener Eugene asks how our belief systems actually affect us, many Christians are raging assholes, many skeptics think stupid things and haven’t arrived there by any form of critical thinking, logic and the wild card, organized thinking and empathy, Simone’s Wikifeet rating, Dr. Gorvinda doesn’t understand “these two whores talking about dongs,” Listener Stacy asks about social anxiety and the gym, Stephy is limiting her self-loathing to ten minutes a day, math is hard, the Ryan Gosling Kool-Aid, we’ve got a long way to go according to Germaine Greer (“If you think you are emancipated, you might consider the idea of tasting your own menstrual blood – if it makes you sick, you’ve got a long way to go, baby”), Listener Tasty gives us a tutorial in the Reddit shitshow, and CAT PAINT!

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Dongtini – Episode 71

 

My (ugly) Left Foot by Simone - even the cats can't bear to look at it.
This hits a humor nerve in Stephy that is rarely accessed. It just makes her howl.
Simone's pièce de résistance.

 The recalled “Math is hard!” talking Barbie:

 

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The clip below is some Ryan Gosling Kool-Aid that Stephy has dranken:

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Closing song: The Zombies — “She’s Not There”

Dongtini — Episode 66

October 17, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode: Simone closely observes strippers at a video shoot, Stephy tattled to Rolling Stone about Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Brad Pitt hit rock fucking bottom. Also: texts from an anonymous dong doctor, Simone condemns Tim Burton, Neil Hamburger is doing things again, Facebook Watchdog is back for your information and protection, and this beautiful David Bazan cover of a Vic Chesnutt song made Stephy sob and sob.

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Dongtini – Episode 66

 

You're doing it wrong.
We gave another Text From An Anonymous Dong Doctor™
You bet your Paulie Walnuts that Simone went to the Naked Diner.

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Simone’s blog post about why Tim Burton is an atrocity can be found here.

David Bazan’s cover of Vic Chesnutt’s “I’ve Flirted With You All My Life” can be found here.

Closing song: Tame Impala — “Nothing That Has Happened So Far Has Been Anything We Could Control”

Dongtini — Episode 61

September 12, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode:  Simone is troubled by Nerve’s list of the sexiest women in comedy, we have diseased wiener reports from a real live dong physician, and Stephy’s doctor is way too hot. Also: marital discord, Sassy magazine, the post-argument high, getting high-pressure sales pitches from artist friends, undocumented women affected by violence, the new Neil Hamburger podcast, when friends become critically ill, and Stephy’s new and continued adventures in texting wrong numbers.

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Dongtini – Episode 61

 

The pendulous genital wart drawn by a real live dong doctor.

 

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Bic for her commercial

Closing song: Kahimi Karie — “Good Morning World”


Dongtini — Episode 60

September 5, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode: the ladies are outraged by Mars Hill’s stupid dating advice, Stephy found a Christian blog that says “when you get to know your husband’s penis, you honor God,” and our husbands read a transcript of one of our episodes (Gregg playing the role of Simone, David playing the role of Stephy). Also: Amazon reviews written by geniuses, fried chicken, BJ camp, and words Simone hates. The onus is on YOU.

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Dongtini – Episode 60

This woman has 3 things she thinks you should probably know about your husband’s dong.

There are dozens and dozens of these.

 

From Listener Bobby's spinoff series "Hey, Stop That."
Art restoration: you're dong it wrong.

BIG CUCUMBER
Stephy's rendering of what an "onus" looks like in her head. (Note: onus is descending. Because it's on you.)

Closing song: Lydia Parry — “Scream”

http://facebook.com/lydiaparrymusic

Dongtini – Episode 44

May 16, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode: we join the festival of intensity on Feral Audio, Klout sucks like LinkedIn sucks, our grandparents are racist, angry lesbians send the best hate mail, Australian candy, our awkward creepy true pickup stories, Facebook’s new Messenger feature “seen at 9:07” is making us insecure, Simone had to tell her mum what a dong is, there are actually people out there who brag that they hate the Beatles, Focus on the Family’s unintentionally hilarious movie reviews, Simone declined to be photographed for 101vagina.com [NSFW], Stephy hates Blue Like Jazz and Simone hates Stephy’s summer jam.

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Dongtini – Episode 44

Don's trying to get it.
"So what do you like to do in your spare time?"

Here’s Focus on the Family’s movie review of Blue Like Jazz.

The Christian movie industry's still at it.

Behold Stephy’s summer jam:

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Closing song: Girl Talk — ‘This Is The Remix’

Dongtini — Episode 21

December 7, 2011 in Podcast

On this episode: the excruciating Virgin Diaries trailer, Dongtacular Vernacular, Taco Bell is going to think twice next time they discriminate against wheelchairs in their drive-thru, Simone’s game that requires Henry Rollins poetry, and Axe body spray gets a proper reaming by Neil Hamburger. Special feature: Stephy distorting! It’s like her trademark!™

 

Listen now or right click to save and listen later!
Big Tasty’s Dongtini inspired hand turkey.
Tasty does $20 Doodles on the last Sunday of every month in Burbank.
Head over there, LA peeps! He’s the breast.
Big Tasty gallantly provides Simone with his 15-year-old Taco Bell name tag. Treasured.
Amber Harvey who rammed into and smashed a Taco Bell door when they
wouldn’t serve her at the drive-thru window in her wheelchair.

The most painful trailer ever.

The new and unnecessary Three Stooges. Be annoyed.
Senior pics gone excellently.
f$700
Seven hundred fucking dollars. 
(courtesy of Dongtacular Vernacular)
Stephy’s picture that David saw in a hot local singles ad on Facebook.
Stephy’s pick for Simone’s hottest Facebook photo.
She swears not just because it’s blurry.
Simone’s 5th pick for Stephy’s hottest Facebook photo.
The the other four were all pictures of Lily Allen.


Closing song: Ween – “Waving My Dick In The Wind”