Dongtini – Episode 112

September 22, 2014 in Podcast

On this episode: Simone saw the Penis Monologues in Scotland, Stephy’s formidable enemy Mark Driscoll is finally circling the drain, and an unsolicited dick pic involving a bookmark was discussed. Also: Simone did a live stage reading of The Room script with Greg Sestero (OH HI MARK), turns out the Irish pronounce “arse” the way Stephy does, Simone had a challenging crying scene in an upcoming blockbuster, Stephy is a penis home because Mark Driscoll says so, Simone got to do a real live Project Runway challenge (she called it Project Dumbway), the best name ever belongs to someone in Florida (of course), and two memorable dongs made the news.

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Dongtini – Episode 112


  Simone’s Project Dumbway pieces

10629836_10154550586770655_566985345828599960_nProject Dumbway, week 1: Simone and Mark’s attempt at romper modelled here by Mark…
10645127_10154550587380655_4258795536599127333_n…looked much better when modelled by Aimee.
20140914_1907141920s flapper dress made by Simone and Mary on week 2 of Project Dumbway. Made in just over 2 hours!


Looks like it's curtains for Mark Driscoll.Looks like it’s curtains for Mark Driscoll.

Driscoll got the front page of the New York Times…for all the wrong reasons.

Closing song: Supergrass – “In It For The Money”

Dongtini — Episode 104

March 28, 2014 in Podcast

On this episode: a Very Jesus Dongtini™ in which atheist Simone reads a Christian email forward and Stephy is pissed about the World Vision bullshit. Also: Mark Driscoll’s “apology,” atheism for Lent, a Sonic Youth debate, Harry Potter’s wiener, Kevin Trudeau, words we hate, and a monumental new development in Simone’s Pasta Sauce Drive has transpired.

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Dongtini – Episode 104

A Young Doctor’s Notebook starring Jon Hamm and Daniel Radcliffe can be found on Netflix streaming!

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Kevin Trudeau Infomercial – “Your Wish Is Your Command”

Here is your one stop shop for Mars Hill semblances of apology: Mark Driscoll’s apologyJeff Breakfast’s apology, former Mars Hill pastor’s apologies, and former Mars Hill pastors call for an evacuation of Mars Hill.



Dongtini sponsors kids in need! Choose a charity! Both are great, but one can’t be forced to discriminate against gays.

Plan-internationalPlan is the secular organisation through which Simone sponsors a child (she signed up since the recording!) and has sponsored through previously. Click on the image to sponsor a child today!


World Vision is the Christian Organisation through which Stephy sponsors a child. Click on the image to sponsor a child today!

Closing song: Handsome Family — “Far From Any Road”

Dongtini — Episode 60

September 5, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode: the ladies are outraged by Mars Hill’s stupid dating advice, Stephy found a Christian blog that says “when you get to know your husband’s penis, you honor God,” and our husbands read a transcript of one of our episodes (Gregg playing the role of Simone, David playing the role of Stephy). Also: Amazon reviews written by geniuses, fried chicken, BJ camp, and words Simone hates. The onus is on YOU.

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Dongtini – Episode 60

This woman has 3 things she thinks you should probably know about your husband’s dong.

There are dozens and dozens of these.


From Listener Bobby’s spinoff series “Hey, Stop That.”
Art restoration: you’re dong it wrong.

Stephy’s rendering of what an “onus” looks like in her head. (Note: onus is descending. Because it’s on you.)

Closing song: Lydia Parry — “Scream”

Dongtini — Episode 57

August 15, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode: Simone was rolled in gaydom at Liza Minelli then floured in De Stijl-y prog at Jack White, Stephy reads a juicy letter from someone who was excommunicated from Mars Hill Church, and Simone queries Stephy about the book of Revelation. Also: Simone interviews Skip Elsheimer from AV Geeks, passwords for parties in hotels, Peter Rollins taught Stephy’s kids a magic trick, the purpose of deconstruction, and a review of an excessively graphic instructional film on sex for people with disabilities.


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Dongtini – Episode 57

The best decision Simone and Gregg ever made. #glug
An Urban Dictionary definition of Jack.
Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church has a lot of influence. (Meme lovingly made by Ben from the Grapes of Rad.)
That Revelation is some wild and wacky stuff.

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The ABC of Sex Education For Trainables, an early bonding point for Simone and Stephy.

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Rather text than talk? Take a trip to Telezonia and learn the fundamentals of using a telephone!

If you’ve enjoyed these films and would like to see more, visit AV Geeks and if you like, donate to Skip’s fundraiser to digitize 100 miles of film!

We heart AV Geeks.

Closing song: Superchunk — “Cruel Summer”

Dongtini — Episode 43

May 11, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode: Simone is still in Australia, hooked up to an IV of  iced coffee and whipped cream vodka. Stephy is persecuted by Mark Driscoll enthusiasts and then subjected to a party full of 20-something hipsters. Simone gets into a two-hour theological discussion with her mum, so we read Amazon lube reviews to get some proper perspective.

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Dongtini – Episode 43

Simone's new invention
Could this be the official Dongtini cocktail? Whipped cream shots with 100's and 1000's on the rim! We could call it the Dongtini Rimjob™
Stephy is a master of divinity
32 oz = economical
The Artist's Way morning pages in a nutshell

Closing song: Olivia Newton-John & ELO —”Xanadu”

Dongtini – Episode 38

April 5, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode: Paul McCartney told us never to namedrop, the art of the humblebrag,  Simone makes Stephy scream over her hilarious cat nicknames,  Stephy helps launch a petition to fight Mark Driscoll’s reign of terror. HELP WE’RE BEING REPRESSED! COME SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERENT IN THE SYSTEM!

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Dongtini – Episode 38

Birdsworth, the Archbishop of Cuterbury

                                 Click here to read Simone’s controversial perspective on the male stripper.

Click here to read the petition against Driscoll.

Click here to read Stephy’s reasons for helping launch the petition.

Closing song: Connie Francis – “Stupid Cupid”

Dongtini — Episode 29

February 2, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode: Downton Abbey vs. Downtown Abbey, Miley Cyrus is a fan of dongs, pretense in poetry, high-functioning brain injuries, What do Henry VIII, Hafiz and Andy Warhol have in common?, and coveted Dongtini contest prizes. You’ll wish you’d entered. (Not even going to say it.)

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Dongtini — Episode 29


Amanda Simmons aka Mandy Mountain killed a cat with her fat.
Listener Crystal enjoys her prize for Dongtini’s potato salad contest.
Body odour was partly to blame for Henry VIII’s failed fourth marriage to Anne of Cleves.

Is it bigger than a breadbox? The answer is here.
Article on Mars Hill Church that Stephy was interviewed for.


Rev. Jeff Breakfast wrote his own church discipline contract inspired by Mars Hill. Read it here!

Closing song: Ween—”Freedom of ’76”

Dongtini – Episode 22

December 15, 2011 in Podcast

On this episode: Stephy casts doubt on the moon landing while Simone champions the beacon of science, Simone correctly predicts the length of a live Foo Fighters jam, Would You Rather? invokes Karl Rove, and our Mars Hill exposé finally has a name.

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Appeals to 40, 36, 9 and 6 year olds.
Stephy’s son with Damien Jurado, professional conspiracy theorist.
Dave Grohl hearts Jon Wurster.

So…how is this not a cult?

Simone in Pick of Destiny at 1:31 and then really going for it at 2:30.

Closing song: The Ikettes — Camel Walk

Dongtini — Episode 19

November 24, 2011 in Podcast

In this episode, Simone shares details on one of her biggest fan-girl adventures to date as she headed down to Santiago, Chile to see Faith No More, a band very important in her formative years.  Stephy sought the next big rock star of the cloth as she attended an American Idol-style preaching competition, courtesy of the creeps at Mars Hill Church in Seattle. To cap it all off, a listener email recounting bathroom stall phone sex is shared.Listen now or right click to save and listen later!


Listen now or right click to download and listen later!

Simone by the pool in Santiago, sipping a caipirinha, or however the fuck you say it.
(l-r) Roddy Bottum, Bill Gould, Mike Patton and Trey Spruance performing on stage together for the first time. Last together to record ‘King For A Day’ in 1994.

‘Everything’s Ruined’, one of Faith No More’s greatest song with one of the world’s most brilliantly crappy videos.
Faith No More end the set with ‘Just A Man’ complete with chorus. (Chorus kicks in at 3:47) Doesn’t quiet capture the majesty of being there unfortunately, but you get an inkling of an idea.

The doors of Mars Hill Church in Ballard, Seattle.
Church security team recruiting poster in Mars Hill men’s loo.
(Click to read all the goodness.)
Just because you’re paranoid don’t mean they’re not after you.
Guy Smiley, pastor at large
Stephy’s Stuff Christian Culture Likes post on fauxhawks.

Closing song: Faith No More — “King For A Day”

Dongtini — Episode 12

October 5, 2011 in Podcast

Special name-dropping episode! Topics include: famous douchebags, Third Man Records, douchey art, cults are sneaky, Stephy vs. Mars Hill Church, Simone the stewardess, Stephy’s blog is a halfway house for atheists with religious families, and do compliments from drunk people still count?


Listen now or right click to save and listen later!
The Mars Hill video of which Stephy says “What’s frightening is that most people in Christian culture wouldn’t see anything in this they should be concerned about.”
The Mars Hill making-the-video video of which Stephy says
“Brace yourself for a hurricane of douche!”
Stephy is in love with this Franciscian friar.
Simone, intercessor for seatbelt extenders, even though they didn’t need them in the 60s.
Stephy’s September mix. It’s on Spotify or
click the pickles to download the old way.
Closing song: Kavinsky – “Nightcall”