Dongtini — Episode 124

March 4, 2015 in Podcast

Dressgate, attention policing, the purity of differing opinions, Dawn Cerny’s balls-first performance on conflict and motherhood, Mark Driscoll remains a prick from his self-induced seclusion, is sharing your beliefs with like-minded employees discriminatory?, murder documentary fun, and more false accusations of being pregnant. Rude!


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Dongtini – Episode 124

article-tattoo-0302Between recording and editing this show, as predicted, this happened.


imgresClick image to learn about the mantis shrimp from The Oatmeal and its SIXTEEN color receptive cones. We only have THREE!



Closing song: Band of Skulls — “Hollywood Bowl”


Dongtini — Episode 116

November 3, 2014 in Podcast, Uncategorized

On this episode: We know you’ve been waiting for Dongtini’s official take on 10 Hours of Walking Through NYC and now you’re going to get it. Also: Simone’s personality was assessed by a stranger, Stephy was propositioned by a gentleman lying on the sidewalk, the Giants suck, Simone’s in a new writers group, Stephy has chronic pumpkin patch angst, there’s a new Taco Bell app, more buttplug queries, Christian Mother Goose stories, and would you believe Simone was a debutante? And the closing song is scientifically proven to be amazing.

Listen now or right click to download and listen later!
Dongtini – Episode 116


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Simone the debutanteSimone the debutante
simonedeb1Young girl, get out of my mind.

Closing song: The Four Lads — “Standing on the Corner”

Dongtini — Episode 115

October 23, 2014 in Podcast

On this episode: Mark Driscoll’s resignation and how Stephy feels about it, Simone’s meditative practices to increase gratitude, detention centers for undocumented immigrants are a disgusting capitalist abomination, and gay porn just means double the dongs. Also: Julai Whipple’s amazing piece on men holding doors for women, Emma Watson’s UN speech, Simone got in a fight about fonts, Stephy thinks Michael Stipe is a little ridiculous lately, Simone queries Stephy on worship, Stephy went to mass, why don’t we get excited about little things? (“It’s going into space!”), the new porno of The Room, and buttplugs: what do we know about them? “I bet Stephanie hates brunch!” 

Listen now or right click to download and listen later!
Dongtini – Episode 115

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The Parisian buttplug Christmas tree.The Parisian buttplug Christmas tree.

Closing song: Candi Staton — “Old Man’s Sweetheart”

Dongtini – Episode 112

September 22, 2014 in Podcast

On this episode: Simone saw the Penis Monologues in Scotland, Stephy’s formidable enemy Mark Driscoll is finally circling the drain, and an unsolicited dick pic involving a bookmark was discussed. Also: Simone did a live stage reading of The Room script with Greg Sestero (OH HI MARK), turns out the Irish pronounce “arse” the way Stephy does, Simone had a challenging crying scene in an upcoming blockbuster, Stephy is a penis home because Mark Driscoll says so, Simone got to do a real live Project Runway challenge (she called it Project Dumbway), the best name ever belongs to someone in Florida (of course), and two memorable dongs made the news.

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Dongtini – Episode 112


  Simone’s Project Dumbway pieces

10629836_10154550586770655_566985345828599960_nProject Dumbway, week 1: Simone and Mark’s attempt at romper modelled here by Mark…
10645127_10154550587380655_4258795536599127333_n…looked much better when modelled by Aimee.
20140914_1907141920s flapper dress made by Simone and Mary on week 2 of Project Dumbway. Made in just over 2 hours!


Looks like it's curtains for Mark Driscoll.Looks like it’s curtains for Mark Driscoll.

Driscoll got the front page of the New York Times…for all the wrong reasons.

Closing song: Supergrass – “In It For The Money”

Dongtini — Episode 104

March 28, 2014 in Podcast

On this episode: a Very Jesus Dongtini™ in which atheist Simone reads a Christian email forward and Stephy is pissed about the World Vision bullshit. Also: Mark Driscoll’s “apology,” atheism for Lent, a Sonic Youth debate, Harry Potter’s wiener, Kevin Trudeau, words we hate, and a monumental new development in Simone’s Pasta Sauce Drive has transpired.

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Dongtini – Episode 104

A Young Doctor’s Notebook starring Jon Hamm and Daniel Radcliffe can be found on Netflix streaming!

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Kevin Trudeau Infomercial – “Your Wish Is Your Command”

Here is your one stop shop for Mars Hill semblances of apology: Mark Driscoll’s apologyJeff Breakfast’s apology, former Mars Hill pastor’s apologies, and former Mars Hill pastors call for an evacuation of Mars Hill.



Dongtini sponsors kids in need! Choose a charity! Both are great, but one can’t be forced to discriminate against gays.

Plan-internationalPlan is the secular organisation through which Simone sponsors a child (she signed up since the recording!) and has sponsored through previously. Click on the image to sponsor a child today!


World Vision is the Christian Organisation through which Stephy sponsors a child. Click on the image to sponsor a child today!

Closing song: Handsome Family — “Far From Any Road”

Dongtini — Episode 76

January 9, 2013 in Podcast

On this episode: Simone rescues baby kittens from her neighbor’s dementia, Stephy’s Amazon review of Mark Driscoll’s reprehensible new book is a ratings bonanza, skillful segues, Simone’s wet bread phobia gets more air play, Stephy finds a purpose behind her despair, the Bread community gets emotive in YouTube comments, “What’s Obama’s first name again?”, Stephy reads the worst Christmas card in the world, that return policy sure came in handy, shorthand rules, David tried to ruin Christmas by reading Mark Driscoll quotes, Danny Kaye and the VHS festival, Simone’s stupid ex-friend, Girls & Lena Dunham, Simone’s vomiting streak contends with her nail breaking streak, Rachel Boot, Tasha, Stephy was on Grapes of Rad last week, and you should call the Dongline! 323-301-DONG

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Dongtini – Episode 76

Shorthand! It looks like this.
These are the adorakittens Simone found a foster home for! Oh gawwwwd! If you live in LA, get in touch with Simone to adopt a baby!


Karen Carpenter kinda looked like Tig Notaro.

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‘Lost Without Your Love’ by Bread. Check out the comments for the most life affirming place on YouTube.

Closing song: The Carpenters—”Superstar”

Dongtini – Episode 38

April 5, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode: Paul McCartney told us never to namedrop, the art of the humblebrag,  Simone makes Stephy scream over her hilarious cat nicknames,  Stephy helps launch a petition to fight Mark Driscoll’s reign of terror. HELP WE’RE BEING REPRESSED! COME SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERENT IN THE SYSTEM!

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Dongtini – Episode 38

Birdsworth, the Archbishop of Cuterbury

                                 Click here to read Simone’s controversial perspective on the male stripper.

Click here to read the petition against Driscoll.

Click here to read Stephy’s reasons for helping launch the petition.

Closing song: Connie Francis – “Stupid Cupid”

Dongtini — Episode 29

February 2, 2012 in Podcast

On this episode: Downton Abbey vs. Downtown Abbey, Miley Cyrus is a fan of dongs, pretense in poetry, high-functioning brain injuries, What do Henry VIII, Hafiz and Andy Warhol have in common?, and coveted Dongtini contest prizes. You’ll wish you’d entered. (Not even going to say it.)

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Dongtini — Episode 29


Amanda Simmons aka Mandy Mountain killed a cat with her fat.
Listener Crystal enjoys her prize for Dongtini’s potato salad contest.
Body odour was partly to blame for Henry VIII’s failed fourth marriage to Anne of Cleves.

Is it bigger than a breadbox? The answer is here.
Article on Mars Hill Church that Stephy was interviewed for.


Rev. Jeff Breakfast wrote his own church discipline contract inspired by Mars Hill. Read it here!

Closing song: Ween—”Freedom of ’76”

Dongtini — Episode 19

November 24, 2011 in Podcast

In this episode, Simone shares details on one of her biggest fan-girl adventures to date as she headed down to Santiago, Chile to see Faith No More, a band very important in her formative years.  Stephy sought the next big rock star of the cloth as she attended an American Idol-style preaching competition, courtesy of the creeps at Mars Hill Church in Seattle. To cap it all off, a listener email recounting bathroom stall phone sex is shared.Listen now or right click to save and listen later!


Listen now or right click to download and listen later!

Simone by the pool in Santiago, sipping a caipirinha, or however the fuck you say it.
(l-r) Roddy Bottum, Bill Gould, Mike Patton and Trey Spruance performing on stage together for the first time. Last together to record ‘King For A Day’ in 1994.

‘Everything’s Ruined’, one of Faith No More’s greatest song with one of the world’s most brilliantly crappy videos.
Faith No More end the set with ‘Just A Man’ complete with chorus. (Chorus kicks in at 3:47) Doesn’t quiet capture the majesty of being there unfortunately, but you get an inkling of an idea.

The doors of Mars Hill Church in Ballard, Seattle.
Church security team recruiting poster in Mars Hill men’s loo.
(Click to read all the goodness.)
Just because you’re paranoid don’t mean they’re not after you.
Guy Smiley, pastor at large
Stephy’s Stuff Christian Culture Likes post on fauxhawks.

Closing song: Faith No More — “King For A Day”