by Dongtini — Episode 75
January 3, 2013 in Podcast by dongtini
On this episode: Simone reads reviews of the masterpiece “How To Live With A Huge Penis,” Stephy wrestles bitterly with futility, Geoff Tate of Queensryche tells you how to live life to its fullest, Simone faces a life-threatening situation at Django Unchained, Stephy has coffee problems, chinaman is the preferred nomenclature, holiday sorrow, the Breakfast at Tiffany’s movie departure from the novella, Simone’s reading goals, a disgruntled Midnight Madness contestant, the Japanese flu epidemic in Springfield, chichi environment malls, Quentin Tarantino’s salvaged theater, Stephy’s Carol Burnett boner, Simone’s Mary Tyler Moore hard-on, Portishead vs. Ugly Kid Joe vinyl, #stephysportscenter, abscess lancing, a last name of Wankoff, Tiny Furniture, Lena Dunham, and a text from an anonymous dong doctor!
Listen now or right click to download and listen later!
Four years ago, Simone danced on Stephy’s test failing grave by dancing on stage with their favourite band Supergrass on the same painful day.
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“This game is stupid. Who cares about it anyway?” was said by Michael J. Fox in ‘Midnight Madness’! It’s all on YouTube! Here’s part 1 of 6! Watch it, ya FAGABEEFE!
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Be sure to watch Geoff Tate from Queensryche and his electronic press kit for a prime cut of douche.
Even if you don’t need to know how, you might still want to read the Amazon reviews or the book itself.Click here for the Amazon reviews!
Closing song: Candi Staton — “Old Man’s Sweetheart”
This song by Garfunkel & Oates pretty much captures the douchy essence of that Geoff Tate clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHH3brmhPyw&feature=share&list=ULpHH3brmhPyw
Disclaimer for Simone: Warning! Video features rapping.
Warning! Video features Garfunkel and Oates!
Dear Stephanie and Simone,
Somehow, hearing you guys (my favorite podcasters!) discussing Breakfast at Tiffany’s (my favorite novella!) makes me ridiculously happy. I’m taking it as a sign that 2013 will be far less shitty 
2012 was the worst year of my life. My husband left me–completely unexpectedly, and for Christian culturey reasons
Kat! I’m so sorry about your horrible 2012! And compounded by CC reasons. Ugh. Glad we were some help to you and that Breakfast at Tiffany’s is still working its magic!
2013 can only be much, much better!
NO. Oh my god. I am so sorry Kat and I am so happy our patter helped you even a little bit! xoxoxo
My favorite Amazon review of the book “How to Live with a Huge Penis” was the one where a guys girlfriend sent him the book to “cheer his butt up.”
Gosh, I wonder if he had a small peeny or a big peeny. Like “You’re sad about your small peen, but look at all this trouble!” or “Sorry about your giant dong…here.”
HAHAHAHAHAA
Best Carol Burnett ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6bOpJ5elW8
I want someone to redub the Geoff Tate video with the same voice on the Stephen Furtick “Hey Haters” redub. Come on, internet! Make it happen!
This is a fantastic idea!
Oh. My. God…YES.
Wow! Listener Michael sounds amazing! I would like to be his friend and shower him with love! You ladies are lucky to have him as a listener!
…also, I have received over 5,000 postal letters of hate-mail since the release of this episode due to Simone’s ringing endorsement of love toward my genius trivia knowledge. I have lost endorsements from all of the top national sponsors, and have been kicked out of numerous restaurants due to the shame she has cast upon my stature as a decent human being. I can’t even go to the zoo anymore without camels spitting at me and monkeys throwing their poop at me, all due to Simone. My family has cast me out of their lives, and I was forced out of my job. Most of my Facebook friends defriended me after hearing what a “Crybaby Bitch” I was! I only hope that I can be forgiven by the Dong Gods for my cockiness toward Simone over social network messaging. Until then, I shall slam my dong against a church bell 75 times as an act of begging for forgiveness after Episode 75!
**DONGGGGGGGG** “1”!…. **DONGGGGGG** “2”!….
If we have that many listeners, related to you alone, then I think we’ve done a public service in outing you as a “crybaby bitch”. Dongtini strives for honesty and integrity in podcasting so to make a retraction or apology would be an assault on truth.
I’m LOSing all over the place!
Truth… Integrity… Virtue… EXCELSIOR!!!
I must gain respect back by earning it through the many trials & tribulations on Dongery! I shall make you proud once I get there! Climbing my way back to the top of Dong Mountain! The point is not just to get to the top of the mountain, but rather to learn as many lessons as possible on the way there!
I have a few dong saddles if anyone wants to ride along with me on my journey up the mountain!
-Michael
PS – I wish I could “like” comments on here. I never realized how convenient that stupid little button was on Facebook (yet another lesson learned!)
PPS – Steph, it took me until just now to remember that “LOS” meant “Laughing Out Silently”… It was tucked away in my knowledge of Dongtini episodes!
I remember when “Silent Lucidity” came out and I was one of maybe two other people who couldn’t stand the song. I was in tenth grade, so I felt like there was something wrong with me for failing to see the alleged beauty in it, but then I also felt like if I WERE to genuinely like the song, I would be labeled even more of a miscreant than I was. And then I got people pulling the “quit pretending you’re cool; you do SO like it” card, which was super-mindfuckish. To sum up, high school and Queensryche can both suck my huge penis. Happy New Year!
I’ve never knowingly heard a Queensryche song until now. I just looked “Silent Lucidity” up on YouTube and it is indeed wretched, though my first thought when the vocals came in were “Oh, it’s that voice from the Geoff Tate video!”. When is this from? 92? It has that look. Anyway, one of the comments says “its (sic) to (sic) bad this kind of music is a thing of the past”
Happy New Year, Karla!
I looked up “Silent Stupidity” and it’s from 1990, which means I was in 9th grade when it came out. Oh well, people were still creaming their jeans over it…kind of like when everyone is in heat over the captain of the football time, who is actually really ugly and douchey but ZOMG FOOTBALL THROB THROB THROB!
There is a definite correlation between Queensryche fandom and mixing up “too/to.” Not sure about the causality.
Geoff Tate is wearing a fedora, isn’t he? That’s the ultimate in haberdouchery. :p
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