by Dongtini — Episode 84
March 13, 2013 in Podcast by dongtini
On this episode: Simone is furious with idiotic Amazon reviews, Stephy wants to balance kindness and anger within feminism, and The Onion helps us process childhood balloon-losing trauma. Also: shameless grunting, Simpsons quoting, a girl named Bunion, Hugo Schwyzer, a DOGtini, and Stephy had a memorable viewing of The Ring when it was in theaters.
Listen now or right click to download and listen later!
A Dogtini!!!
The Onion knows what they’re talking about.The Onion’s article on depression onset secondary to balloon loss.
Damaged and repaired Keith Moon album cover.Closing song: Mark Ronson feat. Robbie Williams — “The Only One I Know”
Simone talked about her friend who she thought was a good friend but when they talk it’s like she is being burdened. I have a friend exactly like that and it’s so confusing. I just don’t get it. We have been good friends since freshman year of high school, and she is one of my only friends from high school I still talk to. I am one of her closest, few friends. When we hang out I get the same feeling that Simone was talking about. I’m engaged and she was considering going to a rave instead of my wedding. Yet, she constantly tells me how she misses me and wants to hang out. People just amaze me.
I feel your pain Simone. Why should we even waste our time and emotion?
Brooke! Considering going to a rave over your wedding is on a whole other level! Gah! It’s true, why do we waste our time and emotion. It’s a real drain when it’s totally one sided. I have a new theory which I thought of after we recorded which I’ll go into in the next episode. Also got a call to the Dongline so I think we’ll really get into it further!
I read once that the biggest fear men have going on a date is that they will get laughed at. The biggest fear women have going on a date is getting raped and/or murdered. That kind of stayed with me and I try to keep it in the back of my mind as a reminder that I don’t live in the same world as women. As a big guy I never feel afraid or threatened by many of the things that rightfully make women nervous. As a guy no matter how hard I try I can’t every have true empathy with how women must feel sometimes, so I try to err on the side of caution whenever possible.
Having said that though, I really can’t imagine telling someone who had been raped that I know exactly what it feels like to be assaulted because somebody hugged me…
Something interesting is that the woman who said “that is also known as assault” is not an abuse survivor herself, she says. All sorts of dynamics to be considered here. Thanks for your thoughtfulness, Eugene!
I really love scary movies so I will check out The Inkeepers if I can find it. The problem is that scary movies are hardly ever scary! However I did find Sinister (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1922777/?ref_=sr_1) to be quite chilling movie, I’ll highly recommend it to people who like scary movies!
Have either of you seen Cabin in the Woods? If you’re a horror fan it’s a must see – but make sure no one spoils it for you! It’s one of those movies where the less you know going in the more you enjoy it. That movie took tired old horror tropes and did something completely original with it. Its an all time favourite of mine!
I loved Cabin in the Woods! I tend to like thrillers involving woods. Watcher In The Woods was the scariest fucking movie and I can’t believe we watched it at every sleepover but our parents all assumed it was okay because Disney made it!
Have you seen the trailer for the new Evil Dead remake? It looks scary as fuck! I just hope it lives up to expectations!
I always say I’m a feminist. To me, anyone who believes women should be treated equally is a feminist, whether they want to claim the label or not. It’s that simple. Stephy, the Facebook string you were involved in does seem incredibly outrageous, and is absolutely one of the reasons I continue to call myself a feminist. I don’t want to shy away from the word just because some people take it too far. I would rather embrace the term and do it my way than let someone else decide what it means for me.
That’s why Caitlin Moran, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are my kind of feminists. (Linkage for any unfamiliar parties, at the risk of getting marked as spam: http://www.stylist.co.uk/people/caitlin-morans-guide-to-being-a-modern-feminist aaaand http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/roiphe/2012/10/caitlin_moran_and_tina_fey_feminists_used_to_be_deadly_earnest_today_they_re_funny_sarcastic_and_ironic_what_happened_.html)
Hey Nadine! Didn’t want to reply until I had a chance to look at those links! I totally agree about not wanting to shy away from the word because it’s been taken too far by some people. Caitlin Moran’s list of how you can still be a feminist the way you are without adhering to any sort of humourless stereotype is perfect. As I’ve said before, as much I don’t feel the need to pronounce myself as not racist, announcing I am pro-women seems pointless. Being a feminist is a real “Well, duh” issue for me so I feel like it’s left for those against the thing (like what racists to equality) to make the declaration. I certainly am a feminist, but I feel no need to state it. I think it’s very obvious in how I conduct myself.
In terms of the pros and cons of embracing the word, whether or not it should be ruined by people who take it too far is beside the point. It has been tainted, so I feel like there’s no point bandying a word around to make my point and risk being misunderstood. I’d rather speak about things in more details without being dismissed because I was too preoccupied with embracing a word. I don’t really give a shit about owning a word, I care about making progress in various ways so I’d rather speak to these issues point by point than try to sum everything up and risk alienation by insisting on using the potentially divisive word of “feminist”.
I have a difficult relationship with the word feminist that reminds me of the difficulty I have with the word Christian. The words would be fine to self-describe if I could own the associations with them but since many of the popular associations with these words are of things I am completely against, it’s tricky for me. I’ve always wondered if feminism isn’t in fact humanism. Hmm.
After we talked about calling it humanism on the show a while back I was discussing feminist with my brilliant feminist friend which was great because I knew I could openly discuss my difficulty with the label and her understanding my struggle with it. I asked her “Why not humanism?” when we were concerned with feminism being viewed as an “us vs them” and she said this:
It’s not a substitute. It is surely complementary, but it does not address the specific laws, rights and social constructs that are gendered in their application. No more than humanism specifically addresses gay rights, or animal rights any of the ‘rights’ that other groups are dedicated to. No-one says “Oh you can’t be a gay rights activist because that means you want privilege over heteros and therefore you are biased. You want to take things away from straight people.”
So that made sense to me, so I realised I am a feminist and support the movement, however because of all the baggage associated, I feel the need to be covert. It’s strategy! It’s like playing poker maybe. You can announce you were dealt a Royal Flush and that this means you’ll win, but good luck getting anyone to raise their bets! Was that a dumb analogy? Maybe I should have kept it to shoes or something I really understand.
Definitely respect both of your views on this! Simone, I take your point and I feel the same was as far as demonstrating rather than telling, but I guess we approach it in the opposite order. I start off with “I’m a feminist atheist!” and then dare people to assume things about me! Sometimes this approach leads to this type of conversation, which I always enjoy: it’s fun to explain that being a feminist doesn’t mean I want women to rule the world, just that I believe in equal treatment. Being an atheist doesn’t mean I hate god or have no hope, just that I don’t see enough evidence for a god, but it has very little bearing on my day to day life and outlook.